The Happiness Box

  • Jul 10, 2021

One summer morning, I awoke feeling happy. Most mornings come and go so quickly they leave no time for self-introspection, let alone make a dent in anything. But on this morning, something stirred inside me, a sweet and happy kind of feeling. And I sat still sipping (coffee) until I was fully intoxicated. I heard a beautiful bird song. One not really sung by birds but by the little monsters who live in my head (Oh, what a surprise!). I let the song immortalize into writing before me as I procrastinated on everything else.

When I was done, I titled it :

The Happiness Box

Then, I forgot about it. Until many days later when a real birdsong brought it back to me and it had a key! A key, to set me free of my own inhibitions. A key to open the door to that same happy feeling.

Every now and then I open the box. Imagine a little cedar box that lifts open to reveal colorful hand-written notes.

Here’s the key…

~ You don’t have to be an open book. And you don’t have to be mysterious and keep everything hidden away. How complex you are, that even you cannot unravel all of you! Then how do you expect others to?

Be sheer. Let the light pass through you so you can shine.

~ You don’t have to be like water. Adapting and every-changing. Or like mud, letting people walk over you, making footprints. But if that is who you are, accept it. Don’t turn into a rock either. And don’t let people take you for granite. Like mud, absorb and let it pass through you. Like mud, mold yourself into what you’d like to be.

Like mud, make way for the things that can grow.

~ Listen to people. Really listen to them. Don’t let your thoughts get in the way. You will need some empathy and curiosity on your side. But they are evergreen ingredients that will help you for a long way ahead. When you really listen to someone, they know.

Listen to yourself

~ We humans are body and brain all mixed together. We cannot make decisions contained in separate compartments. You can’t think with just your heart or just your head. Think for yourself. Be true to yourself. You will find a way. When I cannot find my way, I sometimes sleep on it for many many days until the storm passes and when the sign appears I know which way to go.

Dive and swim. Come up for air when you need it.

Get drunk on conversation.

~ I think that if you want to tantalize someone and even your own senses with conversation you want to be real but you also want to be artistic. Don’t be like a text message. Don’t just talk about your last trip or how bad the food at the Michelin restaurant was. Talk to them like you would never get to see them again. Don’t keep it bottled up. If there are emotions, especially love, let it pour out of you. Talk to them about their lives, not today or yesterday’s but about their childhood, their families, their first romance. Talk to them about what they love. Talk to them about what you love.

Don’t let your inner plant die.

~ Don’t let your work kill your inner plant. As an Indian immigrant woman in tech, I have struggled with this a lot. There was a phase in my life where I assumed my work identity in my personal life. It didn’t go very well for me. I was very organized and goal-oriented but it wasn’t enough. There was something that I had cultivated in me with my family that almost died. As obvious as it may sound, your families can help you. For some others surrounding themselves with role-models at work and in their personal life can too. Always invest in interests that constantly water the roots of your being.

~ Speaking of investing time outside work. Having a hobby is the best thing you can do for yourself. It keeps your truest and unconditional self well-oiled. If you are busy and have kids you should still try to carve out a little me time in your expanse of time. You don’t have to become a Federer or a Neruda, embrace it for the sake of doing it, for the sake of fun. I like to ask myself a question every time I pick up a new hobby. Will I enjoy this five years from now? I does two things for me: takes the pressure off it and gives meaning to the little time investments I make.

Be open, not opinionated.

~ This flies in the face of everything you might know. You may question another’s opinion. And only you can decide if you want it to shape yours. But don’t be the decider of whose opinion is right or whose is wrong. In this game, you will only lose. Be a questioner, be curious. Find out why you feel so strongly about something. Get to the bottom of it and maybe you will find a anchor that needs to be set free, maybe you will see another point of view, who knows maybe you’ll unravel a forgotten memory that brings you closer to yourself. Opinions are based on experiences and no two people can have the exact same experience. Sometimes, you will have to agree to disagree, without letting it affect even the tiniest atom of your being. If the difference cannot be repaired, you must weigh the cost of living with and without it.

~ Always replace “Success” with “Happiness” in conversation with people and in your head.

~ You don’t have to keep running. Slow down and rest. You need to be perceptive of yourself, your body. Know your limits. Know when you should do nothing. So you can recover and restore the self.

When an animal in the jungle is wounded, it knows how to find a quiet place, lie down and do nothing. The animal knows that is the only way to heal — to lay down and just rest. -Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh"

~ Don’t let your desire cloud your judgement. I want this. I want this. I need to do this before I do that. But do you really?

If you’re greeted at the door by a unpleasant emotion… let it in.

~ Let it in, for it may clear you and might bring about change and delight. Don’t fight it. Accept it. And when the time is right, redirect it towards something greater and better. Make it your weapon or your stead. Channel it. Direct it. Own it.

“The proximity of a desirable thing tempts one to over-indulgence. On that path lies danger.” - Frank Herbert

~ Remember that too much of anyone or anything is bad for you. Danger lies in constant exposure to one thing - could be comfort or could be carbon monoxide. Learn to limit everything.

~ You don’t have to be right. You can be wrong. Accepting this will help you survive the worst of the battles.

~ Being competitive is not a bad thing. Compete, and especially with yourself. Set goals. Beat your older self at it and celebrate!

~ If you spend majority of your weekdays at a job you don’t like, with people you don’t like, no amount of self-indulgence will make you happy. Liking your job is important to lead a happy life. Enjoyment is better than indifference and indifference is better than dissatisfaction.

~ If you want to motivate and inspire yourself to do something, talk to people who are already doing it, read books or watch movies about it. Immerse your toes into the waters of your liking. And challenge yourself to swim in it!

~ You can change no one but yourself. You cannot read or alter minds. No matter how hard you try. Not your parent’s, or your friend’s or your own child’s. Do your best and leave the rest.

Create harmony around yourself.

~ You don’t have to like everyone. The world and its people don’t know all of you let alone love or hate you. They are just indifferent to your existence. You don’t need to love or hate things. You just need to be. To exist. To breathe and do what you came to do. Forget about everything else. If something brings an undesirable feeling, let it go. Can you do without it? Try least for a while and see how it feels. Iterate like you would with adding salt to a dish, avoid adding too much or too less.

~ If you’re reading this you’re probably at least made up of 20+ years. For how many of those years you had to follow a strict routine or plan. For most if not all of those years, you had to hunker down and focus on reality, giving up all your fancies. Now take a step back for a minute. If you’re in your 30s imagine you have another 50 or so years to live. More time than you are made of. Is it too much to ask oneself a few years loan to follow one’s heart and do what one pleases? To pick up a hobby and fail at it. To travel like a nomad. To slow down in one’s career to live a little. To gamble on ourselves.

A ridiculous question, isn’t it?!

Your life is yours only. Do what you will with it. Make it right and make it happy.

Find me on twitter or instagram.